A dreary day, a dreary post

It's a little tough to be gentle with oneself when the next twelve weeks are ridiculously full. The fall financial campaign for the coming year is in full swing, a significant shortfall in this year's giving has created stress for weeks now, a major church celebration is brewing in November, high holy days are on the horizon. A full, full church program schedule and a ton of pastoral care all lead me to wonder if I'll ever get any time to myself for the rest of the year. It would probably be therapeutic, but doubtful. Sometimes I wonder if this is the life I would create for myself if I felt as if I had any say at all.

I told someone that, right now, I feel like a poorly constructed paper towel...neither strong nor absorbent. Everything makes me tear up-- planning adult education, thinking about meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings. I'm very adept at crying.

Tuesday was sort of a perfect storm of events-- realizing that Chase was too tired and sick to go on and having to drive FBC back to school and being the Queen of Hormones (too much information?) have left me weary and rather shredded. FBC loves school, is happy, healthy, doing well. I give thanks. But it's still hard to drive for 6.5 hours in one direction, drop her off and head for home. She's so fun to have around and provides a lovely change of pace from the endless conversations about sports that frame DH and SBC's dinner table conversations. No daughter at home. No dog, either.

Upon returning from Ohio yesterday afternoon, I was confronted with how different our daily routine is. No big dog to greet us at the door. No walks with lots of stops for sniffing trees and lawns. No jingly dog collar creating a good sound in the house. No need to prepare special food, or any dog food, for that matter. We have fifteen extra minutes in the morning.

I'd give up that extra time in a heartbeat.