Good Intentions...

Really, I had every intention of blogging with greater frequency, but life with Miss Lucy is a lot like life with a toddler. No surfaces are safe. I spend tons of time prying stuff from her mouth (sticks, socks,trash on the street). Unlike life with a toddler, we're out in the frigid cold taking walks a lot . Goodbye, discretionary time.

I've yet to figure out how to transfer photos from my phone (where I have many picutres of Lucy) to the computer. One day I will. I was on a roll with fifty things I was going to accomplish this fiftieth year, but that's gone by the wayside. I have several unfinished knitting projects and have much less time to read for pleasure. However, we have a happy, healthy fifteen week old puppy who is thriving.

And I'm getting in lots of aerobic exercise.

photo of one of Lucy's kin.

Remembering How to Breathe and Blog: Home and Haiti

It's been almost a month since I've blogged, and I feel really rotten about that.
It's been a rugged road since December 12, filled with joys and concerns of epic proportions ( at least that's how it feels to me.)

On December 12, DH and I met and fell in love with an eight week old golden retriever and scooped her up in our arms and carried her home. She's the third golden retriever we've owned, the first cream colored golden we've had, and the first female. It was love at first sight. Her name is Lucy. (You'll recall that we've been missing our 13 year old golden, Chase, who died in October.)

On December 18th a remarkable woman in our congregation passed away quite suddenly. She was our Clerk of Session, and also one of the most creative, encouraging people I've ever had the privilege of serving with. She had so many best friends. She was just 59 years old. I am honored to have been one of her pastors. We had her memorial service on December 22.

We took a little trip to southern Illinois from the 25th til the 28th to visit family. Lucy was a big hit, especially with the extended family's grown-up shelties, labradoodle and golden retriever.

On December 28th we took Lucy for her first appointment with our vet, who diagnosed a heart murmur, of the grade three sort. Turns out that there are six grades, with one being innocent and outgrowable and six being very severe. We were referred to an animal cardiologist, whom we saw on January 5th at a specialty veterinary hospital 45 minutes from our home. Dr. W did an ultrasound and diagnosed Lucy with PDA (Patent Ductus Arteriosus)which is a common heart defect in dogs, but rare in goldens.

On December 31,one of our most vibrant deacons underwent quadruple bypass surgery. She's in her early 50's. At this point, the foundation of my faith felt a little unsteady. Thankfully, she is doing well.

On January 5th, my dad came to visit for four days. I'm sure he felt like he had walked into a daytime drama. Still, it was wonderful to have him visit.

On January 10, I drove FBC back to college and returned home in a snowstorm. I don't heart lake effect snow.

On January 11, Lucy underwent heart surgery at the specialty hospital 45 minutes from our home. She came home yesterday, having done well. Today was spent carrying her up and down stairs (doctor's orders for the next two weeks) and trying to be a calming presence as she expresses her dismay with the cone of shame she must wear to prevent gnawing at stitches. A colleague at work commented to DH, "You must really love that dog", alluding what he correctly assumed was the significant cost of her surgery. DH replied, "Sure. And when I thought, "New car or save smebody's life?" it was not a difficult decision at all."
I think Lucy's in our lives for a reason.

Today we've watched and listened to the news with heavy hearts for the people of Haiti. I've long been a supporter of Paul Farmer and Partners in Health and the Presbyterian Church (USA) has had an historic commitment to the people of Haiti. God, have mercy.

In 2010 I'm going to learn how to upload pictures from my cell phone. I want you to see Lucy grow. This is not Lucy, but someone who looks just like her:

Up In the Night

Nearly always when I pray with individuals or families, groups, colleagues, I pray that we will sense God's presence. Whether in worship or going about one's daily rounds,sensing that one is not alone, but accompanied, feels important to me, and, I sense, to those with whom I pray.

I'm up in the night tonight, praying for and thinking hard about those with whom I had close contact today. I'm aware that the day didn't bring miracles or even peace, and that they and/or their loved ones may also be awake this night, anxious and fearful.
Affirming that God is present and experiencing it are two different things.
Still, it's a heartfelt prayer, that we will sense God's abiding presence, and it's a prayer for all who watch or weep this night.

Fragile Time

It's been a busy morning of pastoral care and pastoral visits.

Three hospital visits and one nursing home visit later, and I'm keenly, keenly aware that many people are fighters (in the resilient, look-life-straight-in-the eye sense) and that still and yet, life is fragile and changes in a heartbeat.

We make plans... and a lab report can rearrange everything.
We have an agenda...a schedule... and a pulse rate, a fainting spell, a suspicious blood pressure reading can set that agenda on its ear.

It's been a morning and afternoon of good, intentional conversation about what matters most to folk. Some of the news is good; some of the news is hard; all of the news reminds me of this quote by Jon Kabat-Zinn:

Perhaps it is time for us to own the name we have given ourselves as a species, Homo sapiens sapiens--the species that knows and knows that it knows to own our own setience and literally and metaphorically come to our senses while there is still time.

Life is fragile. Time is fleeting. God is present.

Photo from here.

Want To/Have To

I'm working on an e-course by Lisa Gates of Craving Balance called Fifty Two Times Two. I'll be creating a good practice of addressing two goals per week, which should lead to some pretty amazing results.

The process of selecting goals to address has left me thinking about "want tos" as opposed to "have tos" in our lives. I'm great at addressing "have to" items, but not so great at making time for myself. I'm guessing that I'm not alone in this...

To what extent is postponing personal goals in favor of the needs of others gender-based? How much is it informed by a good ol' Protestant work ethic and self-deprecation?

What informs your goal-setting and how well do you achieve your goals?
Inquiring minds want to know...

Balanced Stone image found here.

Keeping it Simple-Friday Five

Sally asks us to list five things you won't be doing to prepare for Christmas.

We won't be doing outdoor decorations, except for a wreath on the front door.
We won't be having any out-of-town family with us for Christmas this year.
We won't be having an open house for the congregation because we did so in November.
We won't be sending as many Christmas cards this year.
We won't be making those little quick breads for last-minute gifts.

Oooh....we sound like Grinches. I hope we're going to be asked what we will be doing....

Another perspective

I live right down the road from an order of the Congregation of St. Joseph. They are persitent advocates for peace and justice and have a ministry of the arts that is inspiring. This comes from their most recent newsletter:

The mention of Advent always stirs thoughts of waiting. . .
waiting for Christmas.
We Theologians always speak of reflecting on the three ways of Christ's coming: in history in Bethlehem,
in the daily events of our lives, and the second coming in the future.

I've been thinking that we've got it all wrong. We need not wait for God. God is always present, always with us. That's what the name Emmanuel means: God-with-us. And, that's the primary truth we hear in the Scriptures. God created us, and calls us into relationship. God is indeed present with us, and especially in the person of Jesus the Christ.

No, this Advent, I've come to see that it's GOD who waits for US. . .

. . .waits for us to notice that we are indeed created by God.
We are born with unique gifts and qualities
as well as deficiencies and lack of qualities.
God only sees our goodness, and waits for us to notice too.

. . .waits for us to notice the myriad ways
in which God is with us, always.
We know the Creator in the beauty and amazing capacities of creation, both earth and human. We know the Creator when we experience love. We know the Creator when we can not explain or understand mystery.

. . .waits for us to notice when we observe people acting in the image of God: in covenant with one another, both those known and unknown, both those alike and those very different.

. . .waits for us to notice the emptiness in our hearts
that can only be filled by God's own Self.

. . .in the season of Advent, as Christmas approaches, God waits for us to notice the wonder and innocence of little children. How God must long for us grownups to be more like them, without guile.

It is true that in Advent we wait; but really, it is God who waits for us.
May we savor and revel in that reality.

Sallie Latkovich, CSJ